I just sent a message to someone I care very deeply about who is off to the other side of the world to create a new life with his GF.

This is rad, I am so happy for him.

But its only now, when you realise that they wont be in the same country/hemisphere as you. How much you love/value them.

We both suck at organising hang outs.

But I hope he has the best time, and I cant wait to see him when he eventually returns.

I love you MB.

H.S.

x

Im never on here because I love Tumblr more......

Rant - I apologise
Today has been my worst day of work, not so much in terms of work load, but the way I’ve felt/been spoken to.

I get sick of the shitty comments people feel the need to make about my appearence, beliefs and values.

Not that I value the opinions of the morons at work, but when you spend 8 hours a day with people, it can get on your tits.

I spent 3/4 years losing weight, and people still feel the need to comment about my size.

I have to wear cargo trousers/a baggy tshirt for work, so its hardly flattering. I will never be teeny tiny, but thats something I am over. When the comments are coming from morbidly obese morons I get even more fucked off.

I go to work wearing head scarves, and have done since I started, only now is it that people feel the need to comment about them. Hilda Ogden?? Yes, well thats fucking original.

FEW THINGS I WANT TO SAY

I dont smile at work, because I hate my job.

I dont eat animal products because I dont agree with killing another living being for my own enjoyment.

I listen to ‘shit’ music because it makes me fucking happy.

I read BOOKS because I would hate to become as small minded as you.

I have fluffy hair because my hair dryer is broken, and until I get a new one I am blessed with shitty hair. I am full aware my hair is a mess before I come to work, I do look in a mirror.

I voice my opinion/question things when I think something is wrong. Because calling someone a dyke/fag/nigger/paki/tranny is just beyond scummy.

I NEVER bite back, and I never say anything negative to anyone at work, because its not my place to say it, but I swear if I get one more SHITTY ass comment from anyone at work, be it a ‘hilarious’ joke, an un pc remark, a comment about my size/hair/features/breasts etc etc I will go postal.

Im sorry I needed to vent, I just want to sleep and never wake up, and I hate that Im feeling like this all over again.

Thank you work, you are destroying me, YET AGAIN.

Im not too sure I'm into zines that are so passionate about 'Cunts'.

Im still to finish the book 'Cunt' as I found it too intense.

This weekend has made me think about alot of things.....

Im just voicing my opinion.

I have exciting news, but I am going to wait 'til its confirmed next week, then I'll tell all. 2 people know, but Im wanting to keep this close to my chest so I can share my excitment with everyone later.

But I am REALLY excited, and I cant wait for things to happen.

Rough Draft 3 is coming together ok (some AWESOME grrrls interviewed already), I've set a deadline for the Alt Press Fair in November which is cool, as I dont want it to be too rushed. I've decided that I only want to 'showcase' mainly females/grrrls from now on. I've only really included 2 guys and that was in 2, its not a sexist thing, its, well....yeah.

I'm also put the wheels in motion for a one off (possibly) zine.

Ive been veggie for 5 years, and more recently vegan.....(since November)and I wanted to put together a zine that celebrates, if you will, veganism, animal rights, recipes et al, people talking about why they went vegan, groups/organisations that encourage veganism/supporting animal rights and people who are pro-active within the animal rights movement.

Unlike Rough Draft, where I make no money from it, I will charge something for this zine, and ALL the money will go to charity (SS or AA possibly as they mean the most to me)

Im going to get the ball rolling over the weekend, before my busy day on sunday.....

More Crackers Please...... SO FUCKING EXCITED.

Le Tigre are one of my ALL time favourite bands, and knowing that I am going to be watching the film surrounded by some REALLY cool grrls celebrating and raising money for Ladyfest is the best feeling ever.

Surround yourself with positive things.....

PS: I got a tumblr......sorry.

Got 'em!!!!

People who follow me on Twitter will know how much I bang on about Sleigh Bells.

Incredible album, Incredible band......I just want to see them with a good bass/speaker set up and I will be so content.

Basically check them out if your into Le Tigre/Cold Cave mixed with The Bird And The Bee. (worlds worst comparisons)

If you don't like these bands, then firstly, you and I shouldn't be friends, and secondly, you probably wont like Sleigh Bells.

I am keeping fingers and toes crossed that they reply to me sharpish.

You're the cookie, and I'm your crumb........

Some rumours going around that Lemuria are playing 3 UK shows in Jan.

3.

I WILL be going to all 3.

Fuck the distance, this band are totally worth it and I am beyond stoked.

Start spreading the news..........

This time next week I will have paid my deposit for my holiday to New York in Feb/March 2011.

To say I'm excited is an understatement - Im making a list of things to do whilst I'm there.

Im going to be skint for a few months now so I can save up and spend a fair few hundred whilst I'm out there, but I don't care.

I shall be taking lists, mainly from the best, for things to bring back, mainly food/toys.

Be prepared to see plenty more posts about this.

Spent the last hour or two looking over peoples blogs/tumblrs.

I need to make a list of things to do.

I need a diary, a goal, and I need to get a grip, I need to save.

I am 25, and I am living in a city, I thought I would learn to like again, and a city I missed.
Turns out I hate it, and I do not miss it.

My lease runs out in May, so I have just under 9 months to get my arse in gear.

As a good friend said yesterday.....

PMA.

(Cringe)

Vomiting seems to be a common thing in my life at the moment, and I'm getting a little fed up.

Im also not liking my constant negative mood/moaning at the moment.

Starting to crochet, its alright. Off to buy a new hook tho, the one i have is too fat.

Killed a wasp this morning, trying to set it free/get it out of my window.

Pissed off with people who lie, and cause me and one of my best friends to fall out.

Do not want to go to work.

I feel like I'm gaining all my weight back and I hate it.

I will not go up to a size 26 again, I am fat enough as it is.

Pretty negative.

Not In My Name......

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXZPmdULIKs

Chilli Bean

After having a day hanging out with possibly my favourite lady, I have felt terribly positive.

This is good.

I like feeling postive.

I value you, more than you will ever know.......

Over 3 hours travelling to see my Best Friend, Ms Hang and this bugger.......all for less than an hour.

My friends mean the world to me.

x

Excuse my hair, but today was incredible.


I am an owl enthusiast. I have lots of owl toys, trinkets and Ringwald, my owl tattoo. I love Owls.

We went to a village fete today and there was a dog show (too many cute dogs I almost cried stroking an 8 week old springer pup) a mini petting farm, where I met the most handsome and adorable calf, who we named cow, Pygmy Goats and some boring sheep.

The main highlight for me was getting to see some owls, up close. Amazing. Luckily for me I got to hold TWO Owls, one was a HUGE Eagle owl, who weighed an fair bit and the other was a gorgeous American Barn Owl who was just so beautiful. I dont think I stopped smiling the whole time I was there, and I welled up a few times.

Basically Tony and his wife who run the charity go around the area with their rescued and rehomed owls educating people about the owls and birds of prey and encouraging people to touch and hold the birds and ask questions, raising money to save more birds who are being kept as pets etc. I think I was possibly the nerdiest person they saw all day, but I got a free fridge magnet for being a nerd and I got to have photos with and hold some incredible animals.

http://www.hollowellsteam.com/owls_to_behold.htm

I also got my copy of 'The Cove' today, which is a documentry about the horrific hunt/cull/murder of thousands of dolphins that goes on every year in Taiji, Japan.

I'm still pretty upset from watching it, but I would recommend watching it to anyone, especially if you class yourself as an animal lover. Richard O'Barry is incredible and the whole documentry moved me to tears on several occasions. Its barbaric and I just cant fathom why another living being would do that to a defenceless animal, and have no issues about doing so.

Just an incredible documentry.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Cove_(film)

Heavy.

Today has seen the return of the dreaded blues.

Im currently sat in my flat, breathing heavily trying not to cry, nursing a fucker of a headache and trying to calm my breathing down......so far not really helping.

I need to write this down so I can vent, I cant call my mum, best friend, sister, its too late and I dont want to worry them.

This feeling is something I NEVER wanted to feel again and hope I never will, I've not had the blues for nearly 5 months now, and I was hoping it would at least push 6.

Every little thing has fucked me off today, I spent 5 minutes crying in the toilet at work, I wish I could have stayed in there all shift. The virgin media men turning up when I didn't request a visit, then making me doubt myself because they showed me the notes. I rang my mum in hysterics because I could feel myself doubting my own thoughts, and this was something I had people at work bollocked for after I had time off, because they thought it was funny. I have depression, I am not hearing voices, I am not loosing my mind, I just get really fucking miserable sometimes and I want to end it all. Leaving my purse in the car.

Also having people make comments about your appearance all the time, Im sick of it. I dont care what anyone thinks of the way I look, but I get fucking hacked off when people think they have the right to demean you because they think they can.

I tried on a size 14 today in H&M and it fitted, so ended up buying 2 tops. This is AMAZING news for me, but its now on the backburner because Im feeling like this.........Im still huge and I cant seem to be happy with who I am on the outside.

Im now remembering why I will never end it, because I love my family, my best friend, my friends, and large parts of my life. Im having a moment, that will pass, I want to crawl under my duvet and stay there. I miss my Grandad right now, and I wish I could tell Emma things will get better. These heartbreaking moments in my life are the reason that I will never go down that route.

I have wonderful things and amazing people in my life, I just wish this fucking depression would pack it in.


Im sorry this is heavy, its merely a vent.


x

Regrets........

Right.

To some, this may note come as a huge shock, to others, I am sure its nothing.

I have decided to stop 'claiming edge'.

This is a personal choice, as was the choice of becoming edge. (which I do not regret)

I'm not going to go out there and snort ket, smoke cigarette's, down shots, sleep about - because that is not who I am.

For a fair few months, I have 'fallen out of love' with hardcore, and the scene , but to be fair I was never a major part of the scene, a few shows every few weeks and months, but playing a part, not so. So I doubt this will affect anyone, within the scene, If anyone at all.

I will say that I am sorry if I have let anyone down, I am still me, I just don't want to claim I am something that I am no longer 100% a believer in.

I'm not going to go out and get rat arsed this weekend, or any weekend because I do not want to put more pressure on my mental health and I can only imagine drinking will make things worse.

Roll on the sell out jokes, I can take them.

Again, Im sorry if you think ill of me.

x

Plans are being made for Birmingham Zine Fest, my 'Girls with Glasses night' I need to get myself out to some venues and see what people are charging.

Im also going to start eating better, not drinking pop.

I had this same feeling when I started to loose weight the first time round, now I have stayed the same size/weight for a good 6-9 mths now and the only way Im going to get smaller is by introducing exercise into my life.

I think like most things, my job affects alot of what I do, because I'm on a later shift I dont get home til late, I dont eat til late, I dont get up til late etc etc.

Alas, I have my sports bra and my trainers, I just need to get my arse in gear and stop dossing about on the internet all the time.


Lets see how it goes.

current boat floating songs.......

Girls With Glasses

When I moved out one of the things I had on my list was to put on a club night/show once I've got myself settled in.

Now I'm reasonably settled in, I have decided to do so.

I made a comment on twitter about how I wish I could go somewhere that plays 'Nanny Nanny Boo Boo', a friend said 'Put on your own club night, I believe in you.'

And here we are.

A venue and date are still to be confirmed, but I've set up a group on Facebook 'Girls With Glasses'.



x

Bella Swan is a total tit.


He's a guy, why are you putting your life on hold forever and giving up on some one who loves you for a guy who is dead and sparkles?

Jessica Hall is a total tit.

You are a 25 year old woman, you have just written a post about Twilight.