Sunday 28 November 2010

I just sent a message to someone I care very deeply about who is off to the other side of the world to create a new life with his GF.

This is rad, I am so happy for him.

But its only now, when you realise that they wont be in the same country/hemisphere as you. How much you love/value them.

We both suck at organising hang outs.

But I hope he has the best time, and I cant wait to see him when he eventually returns.

I love you MB.

H.S.

x

Wednesday 13 October 2010

Im never on here because I love Tumblr more......

Rant - I apologise
Today has been my worst day of work, not so much in terms of work load, but the way I’ve felt/been spoken to.

I get sick of the shitty comments people feel the need to make about my appearence, beliefs and values.

Not that I value the opinions of the morons at work, but when you spend 8 hours a day with people, it can get on your tits.

I spent 3/4 years losing weight, and people still feel the need to comment about my size.

I have to wear cargo trousers/a baggy tshirt for work, so its hardly flattering. I will never be teeny tiny, but thats something I am over. When the comments are coming from morbidly obese morons I get even more fucked off.

I go to work wearing head scarves, and have done since I started, only now is it that people feel the need to comment about them. Hilda Ogden?? Yes, well thats fucking original.

FEW THINGS I WANT TO SAY

I dont smile at work, because I hate my job.

I dont eat animal products because I dont agree with killing another living being for my own enjoyment.

I listen to ‘shit’ music because it makes me fucking happy.

I read BOOKS because I would hate to become as small minded as you.

I have fluffy hair because my hair dryer is broken, and until I get a new one I am blessed with shitty hair. I am full aware my hair is a mess before I come to work, I do look in a mirror.

I voice my opinion/question things when I think something is wrong. Because calling someone a dyke/fag/nigger/paki/tranny is just beyond scummy.

I NEVER bite back, and I never say anything negative to anyone at work, because its not my place to say it, but I swear if I get one more SHITTY ass comment from anyone at work, be it a ‘hilarious’ joke, an un pc remark, a comment about my size/hair/features/breasts etc etc I will go postal.

Im sorry I needed to vent, I just want to sleep and never wake up, and I hate that Im feeling like this all over again.

Thank you work, you are destroying me, YET AGAIN.

Tuesday 14 September 2010

Im not too sure I'm into zines that are so passionate about 'Cunts'.

Im still to finish the book 'Cunt' as I found it too intense.

This weekend has made me think about alot of things.....

Im just voicing my opinion.

Thursday 26 August 2010

I have exciting news, but I am going to wait 'til its confirmed next week, then I'll tell all. 2 people know, but Im wanting to keep this close to my chest so I can share my excitment with everyone later.

But I am REALLY excited, and I cant wait for things to happen.

Rough Draft 3 is coming together ok (some AWESOME grrrls interviewed already), I've set a deadline for the Alt Press Fair in November which is cool, as I dont want it to be too rushed. I've decided that I only want to 'showcase' mainly females/grrrls from now on. I've only really included 2 guys and that was in 2, its not a sexist thing, its, well....yeah.

I'm also put the wheels in motion for a one off (possibly) zine.

Ive been veggie for 5 years, and more recently vegan.....(since November)and I wanted to put together a zine that celebrates, if you will, veganism, animal rights, recipes et al, people talking about why they went vegan, groups/organisations that encourage veganism/supporting animal rights and people who are pro-active within the animal rights movement.

Unlike Rough Draft, where I make no money from it, I will charge something for this zine, and ALL the money will go to charity (SS or AA possibly as they mean the most to me)

Im going to get the ball rolling over the weekend, before my busy day on sunday.....

More Crackers Please...... SO FUCKING EXCITED.

Le Tigre are one of my ALL time favourite bands, and knowing that I am going to be watching the film surrounded by some REALLY cool grrls celebrating and raising money for Ladyfest is the best feeling ever.

Surround yourself with positive things.....

PS: I got a tumblr......sorry.

Sunday 22 August 2010

Got 'em!!!!


People who follow me on Twitter will know how much I bang on about Sleigh Bells.

Incredible album, Incredible band......I just want to see them with a good bass/speaker set up and I will be so content.

Basically check them out if your into Le Tigre/Cold Cave mixed with The Bird And The Bee. (worlds worst comparisons)

If you don't like these bands, then firstly, you and I shouldn't be friends, and secondly, you probably wont like Sleigh Bells.

I am keeping fingers and toes crossed that they reply to me sharpish.

Saturday 21 August 2010

You're the cookie, and I'm your crumb........


Some rumours going around that Lemuria are playing 3 UK shows in Jan.

3.

I WILL be going to all 3.

Fuck the distance, this band are totally worth it and I am beyond stoked.

Friday 20 August 2010

Start spreading the news..........



This time next week I will have paid my deposit for my holiday to New York in Feb/March 2011.

To say I'm excited is an understatement - Im making a list of things to do whilst I'm there.

Im going to be skint for a few months now so I can save up and spend a fair few hundred whilst I'm out there, but I don't care.

I shall be taking lists, mainly from the best, for things to bring back, mainly food/toys.

Be prepared to see plenty more posts about this.

Tuesday 17 August 2010

Spent the last hour or two looking over peoples blogs/tumblrs.

I need to make a list of things to do.

I need a diary, a goal, and I need to get a grip, I need to save.

I am 25, and I am living in a city, I thought I would learn to like again, and a city I missed.
Turns out I hate it, and I do not miss it.

My lease runs out in May, so I have just under 9 months to get my arse in gear.

As a good friend said yesterday.....

PMA.

(Cringe)

Monday 16 August 2010

Vomiting seems to be a common thing in my life at the moment, and I'm getting a little fed up.

Im also not liking my constant negative mood/moaning at the moment.
Starting to crochet, its alright. Off to buy a new hook tho, the one i have is too fat.

Killed a wasp this morning, trying to set it free/get it out of my window.

Pissed off with people who lie, and cause me and one of my best friends to fall out.

Do not want to go to work.

I feel like I'm gaining all my weight back and I hate it.

I will not go up to a size 26 again, I am fat enough as it is.

Pretty negative.

Thursday 12 August 2010

Not In My Name......

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXZPmdULIKs

Sunday 8 August 2010

Chilli Bean




After having a day hanging out with possibly my favourite lady, I have felt terribly positive.

This is good.

I like feeling postive.

Sunday 1 August 2010

I value you, more than you will ever know.......



Over 3 hours travelling to see my Best Friend, Ms Hang and this bugger.......all for less than an hour.

My friends mean the world to me.

x

Saturday 31 July 2010


Excuse my hair, but today was incredible.


I am an owl enthusiast. I have lots of owl toys, trinkets and Ringwald, my owl tattoo. I love Owls.

We went to a village fete today and there was a dog show (too many cute dogs I almost cried stroking an 8 week old springer pup) a mini petting farm, where I met the most handsome and adorable calf, who we named cow, Pygmy Goats and some boring sheep.

The main highlight for me was getting to see some owls, up close. Amazing. Luckily for me I got to hold TWO Owls, one was a HUGE Eagle owl, who weighed an fair bit and the other was a gorgeous American Barn Owl who was just so beautiful. I dont think I stopped smiling the whole time I was there, and I welled up a few times.

Basically Tony and his wife who run the charity go around the area with their rescued and rehomed owls educating people about the owls and birds of prey and encouraging people to touch and hold the birds and ask questions, raising money to save more birds who are being kept as pets etc. I think I was possibly the nerdiest person they saw all day, but I got a free fridge magnet for being a nerd and I got to have photos with and hold some incredible animals.

http://www.hollowellsteam.com/owls_to_behold.htm

I also got my copy of 'The Cove' today, which is a documentry about the horrific hunt/cull/murder of thousands of dolphins that goes on every year in Taiji, Japan.

I'm still pretty upset from watching it, but I would recommend watching it to anyone, especially if you class yourself as an animal lover. Richard O'Barry is incredible and the whole documentry moved me to tears on several occasions. Its barbaric and I just cant fathom why another living being would do that to a defenceless animal, and have no issues about doing so.

Just an incredible documentry.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Cove_(film)

Thursday 29 July 2010

Heavy.

Today has seen the return of the dreaded blues.

Im currently sat in my flat, breathing heavily trying not to cry, nursing a fucker of a headache and trying to calm my breathing down......so far not really helping.

I need to write this down so I can vent, I cant call my mum, best friend, sister, its too late and I dont want to worry them.

This feeling is something I NEVER wanted to feel again and hope I never will, I've not had the blues for nearly 5 months now, and I was hoping it would at least push 6.

Every little thing has fucked me off today, I spent 5 minutes crying in the toilet at work, I wish I could have stayed in there all shift. The virgin media men turning up when I didn't request a visit, then making me doubt myself because they showed me the notes. I rang my mum in hysterics because I could feel myself doubting my own thoughts, and this was something I had people at work bollocked for after I had time off, because they thought it was funny. I have depression, I am not hearing voices, I am not loosing my mind, I just get really fucking miserable sometimes and I want to end it all. Leaving my purse in the car.

Also having people make comments about your appearance all the time, Im sick of it. I dont care what anyone thinks of the way I look, but I get fucking hacked off when people think they have the right to demean you because they think they can.

I tried on a size 14 today in H&M and it fitted, so ended up buying 2 tops. This is AMAZING news for me, but its now on the backburner because Im feeling like this.........Im still huge and I cant seem to be happy with who I am on the outside.

Im now remembering why I will never end it, because I love my family, my best friend, my friends, and large parts of my life. Im having a moment, that will pass, I want to crawl under my duvet and stay there. I miss my Grandad right now, and I wish I could tell Emma things will get better. These heartbreaking moments in my life are the reason that I will never go down that route.

I have wonderful things and amazing people in my life, I just wish this fucking depression would pack it in.


Im sorry this is heavy, its merely a vent.


x

Monday 26 July 2010

Regrets........

Right.

To some, this may note come as a huge shock, to others, I am sure its nothing.

I have decided to stop 'claiming edge'.

This is a personal choice, as was the choice of becoming edge. (which I do not regret)

I'm not going to go out there and snort ket, smoke cigarette's, down shots, sleep about - because that is not who I am.

For a fair few months, I have 'fallen out of love' with hardcore, and the scene , but to be fair I was never a major part of the scene, a few shows every few weeks and months, but playing a part, not so. So I doubt this will affect anyone, within the scene, If anyone at all.

I will say that I am sorry if I have let anyone down, I am still me, I just don't want to claim I am something that I am no longer 100% a believer in.

I'm not going to go out and get rat arsed this weekend, or any weekend because I do not want to put more pressure on my mental health and I can only imagine drinking will make things worse.

Roll on the sell out jokes, I can take them.

Again, Im sorry if you think ill of me.

x

Sunday 25 July 2010

Plans are being made for Birmingham Zine Fest, my 'Girls with Glasses night' I need to get myself out to some venues and see what people are charging.

Im also going to start eating better, not drinking pop.

I had this same feeling when I started to loose weight the first time round, now I have stayed the same size/weight for a good 6-9 mths now and the only way Im going to get smaller is by introducing exercise into my life.

I think like most things, my job affects alot of what I do, because I'm on a later shift I dont get home til late, I dont eat til late, I dont get up til late etc etc.

Alas, I have my sports bra and my trainers, I just need to get my arse in gear and stop dossing about on the internet all the time.


Lets see how it goes.

Saturday 24 July 2010

current boat floating songs.......




Girls With Glasses

When I moved out one of the things I had on my list was to put on a club night/show once I've got myself settled in.

Now I'm reasonably settled in, I have decided to do so.

I made a comment on twitter about how I wish I could go somewhere that plays 'Nanny Nanny Boo Boo', a friend said 'Put on your own club night, I believe in you.'

And here we are.

A venue and date are still to be confirmed, but I've set up a group on Facebook 'Girls With Glasses'.



x

Friday 23 July 2010

Bella Swan is a total tit.


He's a guy, why are you putting your life on hold forever and giving up on some one who loves you for a guy who is dead and sparkles?

Jessica Hall is a total tit.

You are a 25 year old woman, you have just written a post about Twilight.

Wednesday 21 July 2010

So drunkZszz rite noWwszz

I want to say how much I love my zinester friends, despite only corresponding on facebook/letters/emails/twitter.

Im finally getting to hang out with Em in 2 weeks and I'm so excited, the girl is beyond rad!! I like our random BBM chats at night.
"We're lyk so pop culture omgz" I've known the girl for a couple of years and now we get to hang out and have some good times.

In September a group of us 'grrrls' are planning a sleepover in Brum over the zine fair weekend, to include geeking out at the zine fair, shopping and getting our dancing shoes on, I for one can not WAIT!!!

For 3 years I have had the best friend I could have asked for, who has put up with some of my worst moments and seen me at my weakest points, when many people would just give the hell up and go. I dont give them enough credit for that. (SYG lyrics) I am a burden but I think I'm the best burden they know.

My sister is my ultimate, I love her unconditionally and have so much respect and admiration for her. She inspires me everyday and I love her more than I could/should love a person.

I haven't got a tonne of friends, but I would rather surround myself with a couple of people who make me laugh than a hundred who couldn't care less.

I dont know the point of this, I just wanted to tell people I loved them.

I love Bettie.

I have mentioned in my previous post about Bettie Walkers zine 'Anatomical Heart' which deals with mental health issues.

I received a suprise and glorious package this morning from Bettie containing her back issues (excluding 4 and 6) and two cute buttons as I seem to have misplaced my one she sent me , in my move.

I took my zine package with me to town as I was going to the bank, and read them as i waited for the bank to open.

Despite them being mini zines (half a5) they pack more emotion, content and feeling in than most of the zines I own.

As someone who suffers from mental illness, and having friends, family battle with it and also having friends and family who attempted to/have taken their own lives, the subject of mental illness is something that is terribly important to me.

I love Betties honesty, and simplicity, she doesnt sugar coat her illness, there is no softly softly approach, and I admire her for this.

It also made me realise (although I was aware) that there are so many different sorts of mental illness. Looking over all the zines, and looking at what I 'deal' with makes me think I shouldn't moan so much. This is the arse of mental illness, there are so many different levels and it is how we cope with it, how we are treated etc etc.

I am thankful for people like Bettie who are out there and putting their feelings on papers for other people to discuss and think about.

This is why I love zines, the people, the process, the product.

We need to educate more people, of all ages about Mental Illness, it effects more people than you think.


x

Monday 19 July 2010

Queer.

I firstly would like to point out that I regret my 'Dissing' of Miss Nash in Issue No 2 of 'Rough Draft'. Although it was only small and not insulting, I just really regret it as I am/was/will remain a fan of her work, her face and her style.

Anyway, my friend posted this article on her Twitter this morning and I read it whilst being at work, I felt myself nodding along to parts of it agreeing with it.

http://www.afterellen.com/node/76790


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Queer


x

Thursday 15 July 2010

I realise that these are back to front, Im new to the mac game yo!!

These are a top 5 of my zine collection that I love.

The End.




'Anatomical Heart'
My darling penfriend Bettie writes this super mini zine, discussing her mental health/education. Zine Reviews and little insights into Betties thinking. I love this zine for many reasons, but I am a huge fan of Bettie for being so open and honest about her health. As someone who is affected by mental health isssues I can relate and find myself nodding along in parts. Bettie is inspirational.



"Pamflet" is awesome, its kinda like a zine/mixed with heat. I remember walking into the zinefest last year and Phoebe being on the desk right in front with a pile of pink zines. I picked 2 up and I fell in love. So much fun to read.



"The Worlds A Mess...." by Ms Ova Ree (Aka Em Ledger)
This was my first zine that I ever got my hands on and its the one that helped me find this scene/movement that I love so much. I gush about it and Em too much its borderline scary. Its a zine that I aspire to create, something inspirational. This is my favourite zine.


"Culture Slut" Is a perzine compiled by the super Amber. This particular issue is never far from me. I think its been a mini god send for me in the last few months with my own "queer" journey. Reading things that I can relate to. The Culture Slut series are a joy to read, I love the way they are put together and how its like a little booklet of art and sweetness all in one tiny zine.



"Your Pretty Face Is Going Straight To Hell" is a perzine created by the lovely Miss Tukru, who runs Vampire Sushi Distro. I have a major soft spot for Tukru as she kindly puts out my zine on her distro and for this I am truly thankful. Its a zine that contains doodles, rants, reciepes and insights into Tukrus life.

Sunday 11 July 2010




Rant/weekend.

Although technically not over, my weekend has been semi eventful.

My mum picked me up on friday after work to deliver me, along with the henry hoover (its not gross but I havent hoovered since I moved in, buying a hoover just didnt occur to me as important - flat being so small, me not making a mess)back to my flat.

The usual questions 'how are you coping' cropped up and I started to discuss quietly about my neighbour next door, and how he seems to have an issue with my neighbour upstairs. As we were discussing this issue, he had turned up at my front door and started to shout at my neighbour again, I would like to point it was 11pm on a friday night, most people are getting ready to go out so some noise is expected. Complaining that he had his son over for the week and he needed sleep.

My mum went out to throw a spider out and as she went, the neighbour put his foot between the front door and said 'I have keys to this house' (which he doesnt)at this point my mum stepped in between the two neighbours and said something rather loudly, I forget what exactly it was, I was shaking because my mum was putting herself inbetween a pretty heated argument, and said 'My Daughter Lives here....' she managed to sort the issue out and the neighbour fucked off. My Mum means the world to me and for her to just put herself there amazed me, Im sorry I am paranoid that the neighbour could of punched her etc.

I then sat up for a few hours and managed to sleep at about 3. I was woken up again at half 6 by the neighbour next door coming over to the house and going on one again. HALF 6 on a saturday morning. This waking me up made me get up and go shopping for food.

Later that afternoon, sitting in my flat, with my music on my laptop my bedroom window open I was startled by a short man tapping on my window asking me to turn it off/down. Im pretty sure my laptop is quiet so he must really be listening out for it. I carried on. pretty fucking livid that he felt the need to come over to my window/yard and tap on the window. Its saturday afternoon, its not 6.30am!!!!

Later on in the evening the neighbour turned up again having a go at the guy above again, despite saying that on a saturday night he wouldnt care. It was 10ish. As I went out of my flat (despite my mum telling me to stay in my flat and if I felt threatened to call the police) and told him to stop coming over as its getting repetitive, to which he replied 'Shut it you fucking dyke....'


Few things, I have never discussed my sexuality or anything like that with anyone in/around my building, why would I, does it make ANY difference, is it anyones business? No.

I have short hair, yes, but when does that make you gay/straight anyway. I know when I was younger I used to think that short hair was for boys, obviously I grew up. Maybe I am just naive and assumed that people would pick up on it too?

I am not gay nor am I straight, I do not see why people feel using someones sexual preference is a way of insulting them. Maybe I should wake up and realise that not all people are like the people I surround myself with. (open minded, non judgemental, patient and non-bigotted people)

I don't know why I have ranted about this but its really fucked me off.

I give up.

The best friend comes up tommorrow and I'm rather excited.

Tuesday 6 July 2010

following on from my positive and awesome weekend, I had an awesome night last night.

I went to see the Punch/Comadre show in Notts, which was mind blowing.

I've cried before at shows, but Punch was different, I felt this overwhelming feeling, it was like being totally elated but I felt so good whilst watching the band play. Meghan is incredible and such a role model.

I also had some completely lovely feedback from my second Issue of my zine, which has been so nice and made me cry at work, but I dont care.

I wanted this zine to bring positivity into my life, and if it made people laugh, cry, think or just enjoy reading it, then that was a bonus.

I think because Ive read it a million times I dont get it, but I am glad people do.

This whole positivity thing was scaring me at first, now Im embracing it and its nice.

Ive started to question what I want from life, another journey I suppose, its scary and I just hope I can continue being happy.

Sunday 4 July 2010

Mate.

This weekend was swell.

I fully adore my best friend, and his girlfriend.

Vegan cooking, watching positive films, slagging off people we dont know but hate, stroking animals, Zine talks, Luke doing shocking impressions of Holly's face and my face, uncanny, also eating the best ice cream I have ever eaten. Veganism rules.

Quality over quantity, and I wouldnt have it any other way.

Gush.

Wednesday 30 June 2010

Im sick of hayfever, my head feels like its going to explode from itching.

I have finished Rough Draft 2.

I like it, I felt a little bit emotional when cutting and pasting part of it.

I think ive put more into the zine this time, and for me thats important.

Anyway.

Monday 28 June 2010

"I love animals!" "But you eat them, how is that love?"


The photo above is myself, and a 6 month old labradoodle.

I think, personally, it shows me in my element.

I just watched a video that has left me in tears.

It reminds me why I chose to become vegetarian and more recently, Vegan.

I dont rant/talk about veganism much but its the best choice I have ever made.

Sunday 13 June 2010




Im currently downloading series 2 of 'Arrested Development'

As some will know, I have no telly in my flat right now, which for me is actually not a bad thing, Im getting to use my brain, by reading and writing.

Alas, I have made it through several of my boxsets on my laptop, one of them being series 1 of the above mentioned show.

I found myself sniggering and now as I type this I hear Will Arnetts voice, I was a fan of Jason Bateman before, but now, I am an Arnett convert.

I dont want to think about getting the end of series 3......

Also another thing.....

THE IT CROWD is back on June 25TH......

Next to Spaced that show IS the best Uk comedy show.......fact.....

Saturday 12 June 2010

Today I went to the zinefest, hung out and did some lolz with the best friend (and later Ms Hang) we sat being food punx and swapped tales of gossip, about people we dont even know.

I was looking forward to 2 things this weekend, one lived up to expectations, hanging out with lblf was as usual a hoot, and just a genuine good time.

The other was the zinefest.

I went to my first ever zinefest last year, at the same venue, this year, it was bare.
It felt so empty and there wasnt a good atmosphere. I dont know whether, as I discussed with a friend it was because the 2 zine fairs were held within a fortnight of each other, or maybe because the travel was horrific.

Anyway, my main gripe was with one particular stall/distro and her attitude. I wont name names, but I think if you are a distro/zinester you need to be approachable, this 'community' we are part of is about intergration, and building new relationships and growing, we wont get anywhere if we start getting elitest about it.

If I had gone to the zinefest this year, as my first one (rather than last year), I dont think I would have the passion for zines/writing and DIY culture as I do now, and thats sad, because I cant imagine my life without it in it.

This is a ramble.

I apologise.

x

Friday 11 June 2010



I loved the debut, and then hype took over.

I didnt want to like this album, to say I love it is an understatement.

Listen to it, at your peril, its flipping awesome/catchy.

Also they blew me away live, getting better and better.
Im back!

Not that anyone reads this anyway.

I have moved, and settled into my new flat well.

I am back at my parents, as well its cheaper to get to Ldn tommorow and its an excuse to tickle my dog, and use the internet. (obviously seeing everyone is nice too)

I cant be arsed to bore you with all things that are going on.

My health/mental health is good.
I am reading more.
I am this close to finishing issue 2.
I have joined my local roller derby girls, in the hope of making new friends. Its fun, I ache. The girls are lovely.
I miss my best friend.
I miss my sister.
I miss having a decent bed to sleep on.
I am looking for a new job.
I missed my dog.


I am off to the zinefest tommorow, I have been looking forward to this since last year. Eeee.

Bye.

Thursday 27 May 2010

http://bubleraptor.tumblr.com/

Best tumblr ever.

Wednesday 26 May 2010








Zines, sewing, reading, DIY Ethics, cakes, Riot Grrrl, Feminism and empowerment.

The whole shebang, saved me, it keeps me busy, I write when Im stressed and try to channel my negative feelings into a postive outlet, however small and insignificant it maybe.

I cant wait to move to Leicester, meet new people, make things happen for me.

In 4 Years I have turned my life around, and thats saying alot, considering my life is pretty dull.

Here's to new beginnings.......

Wednesday 17 March 2010




This is possibly my favourite photo in the world right now.

JP + JW = <3